Category: Blogs

“There is support out there, but it is not advertised enough or talked about” – Inverclyde 3rd Sector Community Justice Forum

Posted on by Rebecca Bradley

We were invited to contribute to the Inverclyde 3rd Sector Community Justice Forum week of engagement activities, focusing on how the Justice System impacts family members affected by alcohol and drugs.

If you know someone who has an alcohol or drug problem, involvement with the Justice System is sadly common. This can negatively affect family members such as having worries of dealers coming to your door to collect debts, worrying that someone will be hurt, attending court as a witness or to give statements, and having the Police at your home are just some of the experience’s family members have shared with us.

Rachel from our Inverclyde Support Service reached out to some family members who attend our service and asked if they would like to share some of their experiences of the Justice System.

“Being in a court is very scary, you feel vulnerable. If possible, you should have someone with you, should it be a family member or someone from Scottish Families.”

“My son has been on and off drugs for 23 years. I have dealt with the Justice System for a long period of time. There have been times that I have been emotionally drained by dealing with them through no fault of my own. It has always been my son that has been arrested or they were doing a welfare check on him and my son wouldn’t open his front door. So, the Police came to my house for me to come and speak to him through the letterbox. But he wouldn’t listen to me so in the end they put his door in, and this is just one story of all the things I have been through with my son.”

“Police officers lifting my daughter after a member of the public called them as she was young, drunk, and had started to walk away with a group of boys. They took her to the cells to sober up as unfortunately I had been meeting with friends in Glasgow. Once I saw the card that was left, I got my dad to take me down to get her.”

“Police officers came to help my daughter after a violent attack on her by an ex-boyfriend.”

“Police officers attending to my daughter when she overdosed or when she experienced a psychotic episode, as a family we didn’t know what to do. They would talk to her and reassure her, ask her if she needed to go to hospital, they could understand and knew how to deal with her. She was never violent with them.”

 

We then asked families to share with us their views on the Scottish Justice System and the support they give to family members.

“There is support out there, but it is not advertised enough or talked about. People don’t know what is out there to help them. That needs to change!”

“I have mixed feelings about this. There have been times my son has been treated like a piece of shit, and as for the support provided for family members, well from my own experiences some has been good, other times rubbish.”

“At the time I never knew of any support available to families, and I’m still unsure of other organisations that families can turn to.”

 

If you are affected by someone else’s alcohol or drug use, our support services are here for you whenever you need them. You can contact our Helpline on 08080 10 10 11 / helpline@sfad.org.uk and we also have information and our webchat on our website www.sfad.org.uk.

“My group and facilitator were on hand when I needed to talk, but I found most of my support came from my fellow group members. Amazing people who go out their way to support you and be there with you if you asked them.”

A New Suicide Prevention Strategy for Scotland: Our Response

Posted on by Rebecca Bradley

–  A series of blogs about families and substance use by our Policy and Research Assistant, Rebecca McColl

The Scottish Government opened a consultation on the new Suicide Prevention Strategy and Action Plan, which Scottish Families responded to on the 23rd of August 2022. The Strategy and Action Plan laid out a series of principles, outcomes, priorities, and actions. Whilst we agreed with the overall vision and Action Plan, unfortunately there was next to no mention of alcohol and drugs, nor families, in the consultation documents.

“Our ambition is a Scotland where everyone works together to prevent suicide. To achieve this we will work with communities to become safe, resilient and inclusive – where people who have thoughts of taking their own lives, or people affected by suicide, are offered effective, compassionate and timely support, and a sense of hope.” – Strategy vision.

In response to the vision, although we agreed with the intent of it, conversations with families and staff suggest that some believe a short vision (i.e. the first sentence) can be misleading and over-simplistic. i.e. Can one short sentence summarise, solve or explain a very serious and complex issue which causes lifelong harm to individuals and their families? The vision is also overly focused on everyone working together, whereas the measure of success should surely be whether or not we prevent suicide. The longer sentence puts all responsibility onto communities to save lives and does not mention the importance of timely access to high-quality formal, funded services alongside informal community supports.

The principles highlighted the need for lived experience to be involved in any planning and decision making going forward, which we wholeheartedly agree with. It would have been useful if this stated that this includes both individuals and family members, otherwise families would likely be excluded or overlooked. It is positive that families/carers are explicitly mentioned in the principles around access to support. It would have been helpful if the Scottish Government had included ‘stigma around mental health issues’ to the list of known risk factors written in the principles, as this prevents many people from reaching out for support.

In terms of the outcomes of the Strategy, there is little mention of early interventions and addressing the causes of suicide, no mention of alcohol and drugs, homelessness, criminal justice etc. We believe that to prevent suicide, other issues have to be addressed and intertwined into the strategy and correlate with other policy areas. This appeared to be missing from the outcomes listed by the Scottish Government.  Funding was not mentioned as a priority area, yet most of the required actions won’t happen without additional funding and/or re-directing existing funding. We also felt the way some of the priorities were worded were inaccessible and full of jargon.

The Action Plan mentioned two specific actions relating to Alcohol and Drug Partnerships (ADPs), the first action being to ensure the training of ADP staff in suicide prevention, the second being to involve ADPs in multi-agency case management approach for anyone who is suicidal. We strongly agreed with both of these actions, as there must be improvements to partnership working across statutory services that include alcohol and drugs to actively promote suicide prevention amongst those who use alcohol and drugs.

Furthermore, the Scottish Government proposed an action on media reporting. Media reporting, and its correlation to stigma and the impact of insensitive reporting on those affected by suicide (including families), needs to be addressed and we support any efforts to increase media awareness and responsibility. Negative attitudes, imagery and stigma cause significant barriers preventing people from accessing both drug and alcohol services and mental health support. Scottish Families has previously done work on this in partnership with Adfam, creating a media toolkit for journalists and editors offering guidance on how to report on alcohol and drugs with dignity and respect. We support any action to reduce the harms of media reporting on those affected by suicide.

An action to produce resources for families and carers was also listed in the Action Plan, along with the suggestion of a single Scottish telephone number. Resources and support available for families and carers are essential to keep them informed about their loved one’s circumstances and for their own wellbeing. We would stress that something more than resources may be necessary to ensure families and carers are supported through a difficult time for their family. It would be important to work with people with lived experience in the development of these resources to ensure they would be helpful for families and carers.

A single, specific Scottish Helpline (accessible via phone, webchat, web forms, email and texting etc) would be a simple way for people to access support in one place instead of searching for other numbers and resources. Whilst tests of change are welcome where these are truly testing out new approaches, there must be a commitment from the start to embed or roll out successful practice across Scotland. Too often, tests of change are ‘testing’ out approaches which already have an evidence base, and approaches which are proven to work within a test of change simply come to an end when the test funding ends.

The Scottish Government also acknowledged current issues regarding less than smooth discharges from criminal justice, residential care and hospitals. We often hear from families that an aftercare plan is rarely put in place for people leaving these settings, putting them at a higher risk of harm. There should be a plan in place for every person discharged from any setting that is tailored to their needs, to ensure that person is holistically supported and to reduce their risk of suicide as much as possible.

Overall, we argued that there must be a focus on implementation and accountability, to help ensure that all the written commitments in both the Strategy and Action Plan documents become practice on the ground. Where commitments are not being implemented in practice, this must be followed up to ensure accountability.

It is disappointing that alcohol and drugs, along with a range of other issues that impact suicide was not addressed or discussed at any length throughout the documents. The families we support tell us daily, that alcohol and drug use and mental health and suicide are strongly linked. There are a range of ways alcohol and drug use are linked to suicide such as impulsiveness and negative impacts on a person’s sense of judgment whilst under the influence, and long-term physical and mental impacts that can come with prolonged drug or alcohol use. These factors can increase a person’s risk of suicide, and therefore we stressed that the Strategy and Action Plan should consider developments in relation to alcohol and drug use and suicide.

Furthermore, the impact of suicide on families and support for families and carers was not discussed in detail in the Strategy. A loved one being a risk of suicide or experiencing losing a loved one to suicide is very difficult and often traumatic for families. It is essential that families are supported in their own right and with their own well-being and are kept informed about their loved one’s care and aftercare. We supported the Scottish Government’s plans to invest £500 million into Whole Family Wellbeing, which we hope would also benefit families affected by suicide.

Opinion: The Health Secretary on Families – Progressive or Shifting Responsibility?

Posted on by Rebecca Bradley

–  A series of blogs about families and substance use by our Policy and Research Assistant, Rebecca McColl

On the 8th of March, Health Secretary Sajid Javid “urged relatives to do what they can to persuade each other to lead healthier lives” during a speech on healthcare reform at the Royal College of Physicians in London (The Guardian). The Health Secretary said that families play a key role in helping their loved ones adopt better diets, stop smoking and stop taking drugs, which in turn would prevent future strain on the NHS by preventing an ageing population with several illnesses. Javid said of his own mother helping his father stop smoking:

“That kind of intervention is more powerful than most of us can imagine. Whether it’s stopping drug addiction or dealing with depression, there’s no more powerful motivating force than family.” (UK Government).

Although I would agree with Javid to an extent, yes families can play a key role in recovery and help their loved ones change their lifestyle, however, it feels as though the Health Secretary is somewhat shifting responsibility from the NHS (and the Government) and onto families. Javid said himself that “we need a shift from the state to individuals, families and communities.” His statement also fails to acknowledge that ‘motivation’ from family is not a singular solution to anything, and people still need support from various services (depending on their needs) and families should receive support in their own right too. The statement also simplifies the experiences of families, whose lives can often be chaotic and full of difficult decisions – if it was as simple as just asking your loved one to stop, Scottish Families wouldn’t exist!

Javid did go on to highlight the importance of personalisation in healthcare, saying, “We know that when healthcare is personalised – built around the person and their family – it works better” (UK Government). Javid does seem to be passionate about a Whole Family Approach, and vocal about the involvement of families in different areas of healthcare.

The speech prompted a response in ‘The Guardian’ by the anonymous writer ‘The Secret Drug Addict’ who wrote a piece titled ‘Note to Sajid Javid: the idea that my family could have weaned me off cocaine is ridiculous.’ They brought up various good points, saying sometimes, people who are dependent on drugs may not be surrounded by their families, may not have supportive families, and can sometimes be impossible to reason with when actively using substances. ‘The Secret Drug Addict’ then went on to discuss their own experiences with drug use and recovery, and how they now run a Twitter account (@ScrtDrugAddict) to help others (including family members).

However, ‘The Secret Drug Addict’ focuses on the potential negatives of families supporting a loved one using substances (citing a lack of understanding, doing things that aren’t helpful or constantly saving their loved one from the consequences of their own actions) and doesn’t acknowledge what Javid does – families can play an essential role in supporting their loved one – when they are given the tools and knowledge that is. There is strong evidence to suggest that when families are supported, this can drastically improve their relationship with their loved one and can sometimes allow for families to play an active and supportive role in their recovery. This does not mean the buck should start and end with families, however. Families can play an active role in supporting their loved one in whatever path they choose to take but should not be left with the responsibility for their welfare, which should ultimately lie with the NHS or other alcohol and drug service providers.

We need to find a middle ground – where families are empowered by programmes like CRAFT, SMART Families and Friends or other support systems. Where families are acknowledged and listened to, without bearing full responsibility for their loved one’s care. Yes, families can be essential to people engaging in recovery, but this doesn’t take away the need for drug and alcohol services or residential rehabilitation. Javid’s comments could be seen to perpetuate the guilt and stigma that families already experience (as well as passing guilt onto families for obesity and mental health too). Perhaps the Health Secretary would be better placed to use his passion for families to ensure family-inclusive healthcare, rather than shifting responsibility.

How alcohol and drugs can impact your work or education as a family member

Posted on by Rebecca Bradley

If you are caring for your loved one, either voluntarily or involuntarily, having a ‘normal’ life such as going to work or school can be made more difficult.

You may end up not attending school, missing classes, and not being able to complete homework. Going to college or university may become more difficult if you live at home, and keeping up with your workloads whilst dealing with what’s going on at home causes stress, anxiety, fear and anger.

Being able to go to work and finish a full shift may not be a reality for you as you are having to stop and care for your loved one when they ask.

Work

Juggling work, taking on caring responsibilities or looking after a loved one with an alcohol or drug problem can cause stress, unhappiness and difficulty in your life. Going to work causes fear for what might be waiting for you when you come home, or you may get a phone call from your loved one desperate for your care, and you need to leave your work to look after them. This can cause isolation and worry, especially if you are taking loads of calls from your loved one. You’ll not be able to concentrate and you may even be too scared to go home.

If you are taking on caring responsibilities, you may feel too scared to tell your employer what’s going on in your life in case they are not supportive and don’t understand the situation. But some employers do understand what’s going on and will be able to support you. This may be in the form of flexible hours of work.

Juggling these responsibilities is difficult and some people end up reducing their hours of work or working extra hours if any time is lost supporting a loved one.

If your loved one is working but is not able to go if they are under the influence, you may have extra responsibilities in contacting their employer and making excuses for why they’re not at work. Their employment is their own personal responsibility and should not fall onto you. You should let the natural consequences take place.

If you become a carer to your loved one, you may be entitled to additional support from a Carers organisation including employment support.

A carer is someone of any age who provides unpaid support to family or friends who could not manage without this help. It is best to discuss with your local carer support service what help is available to you.

Education

Education is something most people are lucky enough to experience, whether we stop our educational journey after school, or continue on to college or university. For young people affected by someone else’s substance use, your educational experience can be very different from your peers.

When your home life is chaotic and unpredictable, it can lead to feelings of anxiousness, depression and isolation.

If you struggle to cope with school, it can become a barrier to accessing further education or employment in the future.

Difficulties in school can include:

  • Erratic or complete non-attendance
  • Difficulty with concentration (possibly due to lack of sleep from the previous night’s events or worrying about what you may return home to)
  • No quiet space to complete homework/ study at home
  • Difficulty making friends
  • Labelled as a ‘difficult child’ because you may mask your pain with aggressive behaviour

There is a lot of added responsibility on parents and carers when a child starts school. There is the financial burden of paying for the uniform, stationery, after-school clubs etc. as well as the pressure of getting a child up and ready for school on time, making sure they have done their homework, have their packed lunch ready; the list can seem endless.

If a young person doesn’t have someone to support them with all these aspects of school, it can result in a huge amount of worry and fear. This is heightened by the feeling that all their friends and peers have support, structure and routine in their lives.

A young person may also take on extra caring responsibilities for younger siblings whilst also trying to focus on their own education. Keeping on top of everything at home and school while not being able to tell anyone can have a lasting and detrimental impact on them.

Some young people feel isolated when they’re at school, university or college but are also afraid of returning home as they are unsure of what will face them when they walk through the door. It’s a constant vicious circle of having nowhere safe to retreat to and feeling on edge all the time.

For young people living with this kind of stress, understandably only a few make it to further education. If they can afford it, some move into student halls but may feel guilty about leaving their parent or younger siblings behind. The ones who remain at home are often disrupted while trying to write essays and study for exams, which can impact their results.

Due to the stigma of addiction, young people are usually reluctant to talk about the issues at home or seek help for themselves. However, finding a support worker who cares for their wellbeing and who can help them navigate through the tricky world of further education can be invaluable.

It’s hard when you have a parent or carer who is unable to look after you because they’re under the influence of alcohol or other drugs. You have different life experiences to others due to a lack of control, routine, structure and nurture.

Every young person deserves the chance to succeed at school and further education and to have access to support that helps them find the right path for themselves.

Most schools, colleges and universities have a wellbeing system where support is offered to students. Of course, not every support service is suitable for each student so we recommend you keep searching until you find the right one for you.

Download a PDF of this information here

Bound Together: Interview with John Taylor ‘Alcohol Stole My Mum’

Posted on by Rebecca Bradley

The following Q&A session was between our Connecting Families Development Officer Richard Watson and the Friends and Families Lead of Turning Point John Taylor. John is here to chat about his new book ‘Alcohol Stole My Mum’, he shares his experiences, journey, and the process behind writing his book.

Alcohol Stole My Mum: Order a Copy – https://alcoholstolemymum.co.uk

Please note that there are some scenarios spoken about and language used in this Q&A that may cause upset to some people. We believe in letting speakers tell their truthful stories and using the language that is comfortable for them.

John was speaking to us as part of our new Bound Together project.

Q: What was it like to be a witness to domestic violence?

Out of everything that happened to me as that little boy, watching my mum being beaten by my dad is the one thing that has caused me more harm than anything else in my life. The day I came home from school and saw my mum lying in bed beaten to a pulp is the day my life changed. I shut down as that little boy and the world I was living in became a very unsafe place. I would even go as far as to say that there is still a part of me that is still shut down today because of that.

“I am so sorry I have let you down. So sorry. But I can’t stop drinking. I try my hardest but I can’t stop. It is the only thing that takes away the terrible thoughts in my head, the nightmare flashbacks that won’t leave me alone.

I feel so bad. I have never in a million years thought it would happen but I have ended up like my mum. I thought that because I had a job, I had a house, but most of all that I had a loving family that I would be okay. But I was wrong. The fact is girls, I have lost my mind.” – From Chapter 21, ‘Alcohol Stole My Mum’

Q: What is your relationship like with your daughters?

I would not be here if it was not for them. I would have not stopped drinking without them. I was a good dad who loved my girls but I had so much self-hatred that I couldn’t accept that people who love me and that I was a good person. My greatest ever achievement is being a dad.

Q: On reflection now, did alcohol stop you from being able to talk through your trauma?

I always had dark thoughts ever since I was young, thoughts my mum was going to die from one of her beatings. Thoughts that my dad was going to die when we lived with him then we would have no one. Using alcohol and drugs probably helped with the thoughts initially but as my addiction progressed, my thinking became uglier and the thoughts became darker as the panic attacks came. It seemed like a simple choice of ‘suicide or homicide.’ Drugs and alcohol sent me mad, like so many in my family.

My rock bottom was having thoughts that I could cause harm to the most precious thing in my life, my daughters. I was lucky that I was in rehab at the time and made myself vulnerable and told the psychiatrist what was going on in my head. This was the start of my recovery.

Q: You also recognise that you’ve ended up like your mum. I wonder did you think you wouldn’t? Did you hope you wouldn’t?

When I went into treatment, I so didn’t want to be a shameful alcoholic like my mum but I knew that I had gone mad with my thought process but could not tell anyone. In 2003, men did not talk about their mental health and I just got drunk and stoned to take the thoughts away. However, as the drinks and drugs stopped working, the emotional pain increased.

Q: Tell me about your relationship with your mum

The book starts off as a love story between a little boy and his mum. I absolutely adored my mum and hated myself that I could not stop her drinking and also stop her from getting hit time and time again. I was so happy that I got sober before she died in 2007. I never hated my mum for what she did to me and realised when I got into recovery that she was unwell because I ended up like her. I used my mum as an inspiration because I did not want to end up like her and did not want my children feeling shameful of their dad like I felt shameful of my mum. You have a choice in life, I chose recovery and my mum chose alcohol.

Q: Has writing the book shifted or helped your further process with all that happened to you?

It’s funny when I started to write it, I felt that maybe what happened to me wasn’t that bad. It’s only when I wrote it all down that I realised that it wasn’t great and I think having kids yourself – would you want them to grow up in a warzone like that? Another thing is that a few people have read the book now and they are telling me about bits of the book and it is surreal because they are talking about me. I suppose I am in a place now where it’s written and out there now so feel a bit exposed but that is to be expected.

I am hoping that this will be another tool to help in my recovery from my childhood trauma and what happened to me.

Q: Was it a difficult process and did you get upset during the writing?

There were regular times during the writing process when I would feel quite down or depressed. Another phase I went through was when I was writing about my dad and this fear would come over me and my lip would tremble. It was like I have gone back to that little boy again. I was terrified of my dad as a child and would never step out of place. I made peace with my dad and we had a good relationship after I got into recovery and worked through what happened to me as a child.

Q: How important is it that family members seek out professional help?

Families and friends are the forgotten people of addiction because it’s always about the alcoholic or addict. In my 15 years of working with families affected by other’s substance use, it still amazes me that there is still ignorance about the effects addiction has on people around the person drinking and/or using. The term hidden harm is used for children in homes where there is dysfunction and addiction. This hidden harm often carries into adulthood for people who are being affected by others’ addictions and can go on for years and years. Imagine being a family member and you are watching someone you love often destroying themselves in their addiction and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Addiction can cause grave consequences such as physical and mental health issues and even death to the person using. However, it is important to remember that addiction causes great physical and mental health issues and even death to the person to the family member around the user. We offer support to people even if the addict has passed on because the harms of addiction do not stop even when the person has died.

I always suggest to my clients to get into a support group with other families. This can be Al-Anon, SMART families recovery, a local peer-led support group or a family’s group attached to a drugs service. One good thing to come out of the pandemic is that you can jump on a support group anytime online.

I always say to my clients, you can come and have one to one’s with me but you will get much more being with other family members being in the support groups we run.

Support groups are the best form of treatment because the main characteristics of addiction for families are shame and isolation. If you are in a support group with others with who you can identify with you can take away the isolation and you may be able to reduce the shame.

Support

If you are worried about someone else’s alcohol or drug use, we are here to listen and to help. You can contact our team on 08080 10 10 11, helpline@sfad.org.uk or use the webchat on our website.

Alcohol Culture in the Workplace

Posted on by Rebecca Bradley

–  By our volunteer, Beverly

Have you ever thought about your workplace’s drug and alcohol policy? I hadn’t given it much thought until suddenly the news was full of reports of a “culture of drinking” at Downing Street. It seems obvious that you shouldn’t drink or take drugs at work, why would your employer even need to tell you it’s against the rules!

I doubt many of us work in a place where popping to the shops with an empty suitcase to stock up on booze would be considered normal and there certainly isn’t a wine fridge in my office. However, when I moved to work in London in the early Noughties, I was surprised how normal it was to go for a drink at lunch every day. People worked long hours and most socialising was done in the pub.

Going for a drink after work was how you built career connections, especially at all those client events which were often just an excuse to take advantage of a free bar. If you didn’t drink it felt like you were missing out on the chance to make friends and get ahead. Alcohol was also used as stress relief for many people, the accepted way to switch off from work worries.

The drinking culture in the City changed somewhat towards the end of the Noughties, perhaps because of the financial crisis but also because many companies realised the potential damage that employees could do if they were drunk at work. There was also a trend towards a healthier lifestyle with many people heading to the gym rather than the pub.

These days many employers are becoming more interested in the health and well-being of their employees.  Lockdown has resulted in a change in working routine for many of us, whether that meant working from home or furlough. For some, this has also led to a change in drinking habits. If we’re working from home, maybe we can open that bottle of wine a little bit earlier and if there’s no need to drive to work in the morning, maybe we can “treat” ourselves to an extra glass or two to help switch off.

Reports suggest that we’ve been drinking more alone and later at night during lockdown. Without the routine of a normal working day, changes to behaviour as a result of increased drinking can go unnoticed and unchallenged. For those of us who live alone, there’s no one to comment if we show up for work at the kitchen table hungover for the second day in a row. Maybe we’ll just leave our camera switched off for the first Zoom meeting of the day.

In August 2020 the Chartered Institute of Personnel and Development (CIPD) produced a report on how companies tackle misuse of drugs or alcohol by employees. The report suggests that many employers view substance use solely as a disciplinary matter rather than an opportunity to support an employee with a potential health issue. There is little training available to managers on how to engage with an employee who discloses an issue with drugs or alcohol and little information on external support services.

Is the return to “normal” work as we emerge from lockdown a chance for employers to develop a new approach to substance use issues? Many employers are eager to discuss their work-life balance programmes and encourage employees to be more open about mental health struggles. Now might be a good time to include alcohol and drug use in those discussions.

We know alcohol and drug use has a financial cost in terms of lost productivity so it’s in employers and employees interests to take pre-emptive action to address the issue. It would be great to see workplace training courses on mental well-being include discussion of addiction and stories of recovery. A lot of work has been done to tackle the stigma around discussing mental health issues and the same should be done to tackle the stigma of addiction.

Support

If you are worried about someone else’s alcohol or drug use, we are here to listen and to help. You can contact our team on 08080 10 10 11, helpline@sfad.org.uk or use the webchat on our website.

Young People Affected by Drugs and Alcohol: How to Manage Negative Emotions

Posted on by Rebecca Bradley

– Written by our volunteer, Megan

Being a young person affected by a family member’s drug or alcohol use can give a completely different set of challenges to those experienced by older adults. Much of the advice we hear for those worried about a loved one’s drinking or drug use isn’t necessarily helpful if you’re young and struggling. Often, one of the first pieces of advice given to someone when they are distressed is to ‘talk to someone’. However, if it’s a parent’s behaviour you are concerned with, you’re bound to feel nervous about speaking out due to fear of the possible consequences within your family unit.

A parent’s alcohol or drug use may be causing you negative emotions, but the fear that you may lose a parent if you tell the ‘wrong’ person or service maybe even more worrying. You are likely used to living with these secrets and hiding your home life away from outsiders. You may have a lack of trust in older adults in general when you’ve experienced unreliable and unpredictable behaviour from caregivers at a young age. This is more than understandable.

Below are some ideas on how to manage the different negative emotions you may be feeling in a way that doesn’t cause you further anxiety.

Who do you trust?

As mentioned, asking for help can be hard because of a lack of trust and fear of repercussions. Try to identify a friend, family member or older adult you feel you can confide in. This may be easier said than done but it is important to know that you aren’t alone.

The Scottish Government estimates around 40,000-60,000 children and young adults are negatively affected by parents who use drugs or alcohol at any given time. This number is likely to be larger when we start to consider other family members or friends we may be worried about. This massive number means that many people have experienced the concerns you are currently living with and while it won’t solve all your problems, finding the right person to talk to can help you begin to feel less isolated from society.

If you feel you don’t have a friend or a family member that you fully trust, remember there are services you can reach out to that are required to keep your information confidential. Try browsing the service directory on our website for links to organisations nearby, reach out to us directly, or try one of the apps or websites listed below.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

When there is a problem with drug or alcohol use in your family unit, this is rarely the only problem you’ll be living with. You may also have to deal with housing problems, poverty, conflict between parents or other adults, or even bereavement. This could cause feelings of shame, anger, anxiety, fear, depression, and hopelessness.

Before you can figure out ways to manage these emotions, you need to recognise and acknowledge that they are there. When we acknowledge our feelings, we are more likely to know how to deal with them and they have less power over us. We can choose to react destructively to our emotions, or we can learn to understand and control them.

Emotions won’t last forever and observing them rather than being consumed by them will help lessen their intensity. During a particularly difficult time, it is undoubtedly hard to follow this advice instead of getting swept up in the moment; but the most important thing is to get into the habit of not stuffing your emotions away.

Unfollow

Social media can be an insensitive place at the best of times. Drinking alcohol is often seen as an important part of Scottish culture so there is no shortage of content that revolves around drug and alcohol use. Sometimes this content is just met with laughter but other times we see stigmatising language as a response from strangers. This can be hurtful when you are dealing with a loved one who is experiencing the issues that are being ridiculed.

If you keep coming across content that upsets you or you are finding yourself getting angry at strangers’ replies, don’t be afraid to unfollow, unfriend or block the offending pages. There is no point in using up energy in this way. Even without the problems you are facing, social media can make some people feel anxious and inferior, so it’s helpful to identify what pages make you feel this way so that your negative emotions aren’t heightened.

Immerse Yourself in a Positive Environment

It’s easy to read a useful blog or talk to a friend and forget that advice when difficult times creep up because emotions can become overwhelming. It’s harder to ignore good advice when you’re regularly engaged with a support group of peers through services where you can keep up good habits and know you’re surrounded by people that understand and empathise with your situation.

Practising mindfulness through meditation or breathing exercises is also a proven way to stop your brain from racing out of control when you feel anxiety setting in. If that doesn’t sound like something you’re interested in, simply listening to music, exercising, or expressing your emotions through arts and crafts goes a long way in transforming negative feelings into positive actions.

More Than a Statistic

You might have experienced different services, teachers or other adults treat you like you are also a problem. Some people might expect you to be difficult because of your problems at home or they are waiting for you to take up the same behaviours as the adults in your life that use drugs and alcohol. Whilst you might engage in some less than perfect behaviour (nobody is perfect); it’s important to remember that children and young people who experience adversity in their early life are among some of the most resilient in society in their older years. Don’t let anyone pigeonhole you or write you off and try not to give them reasons to. You are more than your home life!

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