Bereavement Support
If you have lost someone who used alcohol or drugs, our bereavement service is here to support you. We can give listening support and information. We also can put you in touch with an accredited counsellor who is local to you. Our service is free and is available across Scotland.
The quickest way to contact our bereavement service is through our Helpline:
One of our helpline advisers will chat about the service and will answer any questions you may have. We will take your contact details and ask you where you live so that we can find the closest counsellor to you. The counsellor will contact you and arrange a suitable time for your sessions. Our service is for anyone aged 16+ but if you are under this age we can help find suitable support.
Your counselling sessions will last around 50 minutes. We usually offer up to six sessions but if you need fewer or more we can sort this out. If you can’t make one of your sessions, please give your counsellor 24 hours’ notice to reschedule. If you miss a session without telling your counsellor it will count as one of your sessions.
We collect personal information from you when you contact us. Full details on the information collected are in our Support Service Policy Notice 2022.
‘I was apprehensive about getting counselling as I didn’t like to talk about it but I knew something had to change. From the first call to Scottish Families, everything seemed so easy and within a week I had my first counselling appointment booked. Since then I’ve never looked back. It’s been 13 months since I had my counselling and my life is back on track.’ David (name changed)
Bereaved Through Alcohol Or Drugs
Bereavement through drugs or alcohol can be more difficult by:
- The stigma around drug and alcohol use from the general public and the media
- A belief that the death was premature and avoidable
- Feelings of guilt for not being able to help the person
- A challenging relationship with the person before their death
- Police and court involvement
- A loss of hope that the person would stop using drugs or alcohol
Sudden and Unexplained Deaths
Whatever the situation, a family finding out their loved one has died will always come as a shock. If you did not know that they used drugs and/or alcohol, you may feel disbelief and feelings of ‘this can’t be true, how could this happen to my family?’
The circumstances of the death may be unclear and if drugs are suspected, it changes what families have to face as police will be involved.
Depending on what has happened, some families may experience emotional and psychological trauma in the situation.
Emotional and psychological trauma is the result of very stressful events that can make you feel frightened, helpless and overwhelmed, and may lead to isolation. The more frightened and helpless you feel, the more likely you are to be traumatised. Families often say that the recurring feeling of helplessness increases stress levels.
If your feelings are overwhelming, you can always speak with your GP. Support from friends, your family, the wider community and support from services can help you work through your feelings and trauma.
We have a whole page on Sudden and Unexplained Deaths with information on police investigations, post-mortems and other steps you may need to go through.
‘After years of heroin use, my son became very different from the quiet shy little boy I brought up. I used to long for his cuddles and the love that he used to have for me. He changed so much through his drug use but I still loved him. He was my boy, he struggled with life and it destroyed me when he died. It’s been five years since I lost him and with the help, I received from the recovery community I am adjusting to life without him, he was such a big part of my everyday day, it’s difficult to fill the time.’ – Margaret (name changed)
Supporting Someone Through Bereavement
Supporting someone through bereavement can be challenging. Many people withdraw from others when they grieve but having a family member or friend supporting them can help them feel better.
Show kindness and compassion
Showing kindness and compassion may seem obvious but when we are busy and stressed in our own lives it can be easy to forget. No matter the circumstances of the death, the feelings of loss are the same as anyone else. Offer your condolences, give the person time to talk, listen to them and try not to make assumptions about how they must be feeling. Turn off your mobile and any other distractions and give them your full attention.
Language is important
You may not realise it but some of the words you use may be judgemental and make the person feel worse. Words like ‘junkie’ or ‘addict’ are very negative and stigmatising. Try to avoid using these words and respect the person who has died. The person may use this language themselves but it is not appropriate for you to use them too.
Every bereaved person is an individual
Try not to assume that the person who is grieving is like every other grieving person you have met. They may have different feelings and experience grief in different ways. Try to remain open-minded and listen to their feelings. Show comfort, support, and empathy. Listen to what they have to say and be there for them. Sometimes having support from someone is all the person needs at that moment.
Everyone can give something
Work together
Let the person know that support is available to them – either support through yourself or from support services. If you are not sure of suitable services you can do some research on their behalf. Our website is a good place to start and also our helpline 08080 10 10 11 or helpline@sfad.org.uk or webchat.
Bereavement Counsellor Network
To be able to support families from all areas in Scotland, we have a bereavement counsellor network. Counsellors provide bereavement counselling on our behalf and are added to our counsellor register. We will pay for up to 6 sessions for each client we refer to you. We pay up to £40 per session maximum.
If you are an accredited bereavement counsellor in Scotland and want to be added to our register please email bereavement@sfad.org.uk.