Category: News

As the holiday season approaches, we share our heartfelt support and guidance to every family member across Scotland who is dealing with challenging circumstances this year. The constant stream of festive cheer everywhere we go, coupled with the pressure to have a traditional celebration can make this season particularly difficult for those of us struggling. Remember, it’s okay to prioritise self-care and set boundaries for your own well-being. Connect with trusted friends, family, or support groups, and don’t hesitate to reach out to us if needed. The team wishes you resilience, strength, and moments of peace through this holiday season.

We have some tips for navigating the festive season when you are dealing with someone else’s alcohol or drug use.

Plan Ahead

We can’t say this enough – planning ahead is vital. Often, family members say they’re waiting to see what happens. They’ll wait for this or that with regards to their loved one, but we encourage you to make plans that suit you and only you. Don’t wait to see what your loved one is or isn’t doing. If you are doing this, the stress will build and you will create these expectations of ‘maybe they can get it together for that one day and it’ll be lovely’ but the reality is probably going to be quite different and quite difficult.

Make plans that prioritise your own wellbeing and stress levels. Whether that’s having a traditional meal, a relaxed day in your pyjamas, or something entirely different. Choose what suits you and your family without waiting for your loved one’s behaviour to shape the day. This helps you get into a space where you can look at this day of the year as not being something that you just have to get through, but something you can actually find a bit of enjoyment in.

Look After You

We know self-care is a buzzword and is thrown around a lot, but it is a vital tool for you. It’s about recognising what makes you feel better and helps you with your mental health. Self-care can be as simple as a hot bath, going a walk on a cold winter day, watching your favourite film (doesn’t have to be Christmas-related) or spending time with a friend.

The key is to prioritise your needs because that is so important. Self-care is not selfish.

Thoughtful Gift-Giving

When it comes to gift-giving, consider practicality with the plans you are making about buying gifts for a loved one who might be using alcohol or drugs. Christmas is a time where we often feel that we have to be over-generous and let our guard down, but if you are giving a gift to someone who is not in a good place in terms of their substance use, an extravagant gift might be something they see as a way to access more alcohol or drugs by selling it on or using it in a way you hadn’t intended for.

Instead, plan ahead and think about practical gifts. They could be gifts related to essential needs like food or shopping. Sometimes we feel under more pressure to give money as gifts, and that’s never a good idea when someone’s in a state of mind that they might want to spend that on something that’s harmful to them.

So think about how you can avoid doing that or avoid being put in the position where you feel like you’ve got to do that.

It’s crucial to set budget boundaries you’re comfortable with to avoid disappointment if the gift is misused.

Including Your Loved One

While it’s wonderful to include your loved one in celebrations, be prepared for the possibility that their substance use may lead to lapses or relapses during the festive season. We encourage you to be realistic and plan. Think in your mind that this is quite likely to happen, so how do I deal with that? What tools do I have in place now? This proactive approach, combined with self-care, can help manage expectations and reduce stress.

Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is essential, especially when it comes to communication. We suggest being realistic about when you’re available and not allowing your phone to dictate your peace of mind. Set boundaries that are manageable for you and help reduce stress.

You should not feel that it’s your responsibility to have the ‘perfect Christmas’. If it doesn’t go to plan, it’s nothing that you have done or should have done. It is what it is. And it’s about how to pick yourself back up again from that disappointment and try to still make the best of the situation.

Advice from a Family Member

We asked a family member to share bits of advice and information about their Christmas: ‘I love Christmas and I always have and have always tried to make it special. As I’ve got older though, I’ve started to put less pressure on myself to focus on one day, where I usually end up exhausted and missing everything because I’m in the kitchen half the day. Last year wasn’t easy with my son, and he was out for a big part of the day and then the police were involved on Boxing Day. So this year we’ve decided to do something different, take the pressure off ourselves so that if things don’t go as planned it won’t really matter.’

Some Things to Consider

Simplify the Celebration: Consider breaking away from tradition by ordering takeout or simplifying the meal. The focus should be on enjoying the day and reducing the pressure of preparing an elaborate feast.

Invite Supportive Guests: If you’re worried about judgement or negative interactions, invite family members who understand your situation and can provide emotional support during the day.

Flexible Timing: Prepare meals in advance, allowing you to eat whenever you want, freeing up time for activities you enjoy.

Christmas is a time for joy and celebration, but it can also be challenging for families affected by alcohol and drugs. The key to navigating this season is planning ahead, practicing self-care, and setting realistic expectations.

Remember that support is available through Scottish Families, and you’re not alone in facing these challenges. You survived every hard day up to this point, so you can do it. With the right tools and support, you can make Christmas more manageable and less stressful.

The Family Recovery College offers a free informal 12-week course, Understanding Substance Use and Holding on to Hope, for anyone living in Scotland who is concerned about someone else’s alcohol or drug use. We will support you to build knowledge, skills, and confidence to support yourself and your loved one.

Our Autumn 2023/ Winter 2024 course, beginning Tuesday 24th October, is now full. If you had hoped to join this course, please do fill out our expression of interest form. We will contact you to acknowledge receipt, ensure you have access to the support you need now, and to discuss a place on the Spring 2024 course.

Our Spring 2024 course is now open for expressions of interest. The Spring 2024 course will take place online every Tuesday between 7pm and 9pm, starting on Tuesday 12th March 2024 and finishing on Tuesday 28th May 2024. You can fill out an expression of interest form here.

You can also contact either Debra Nelson: 07379830357/debra@sfad.org.uk or Tich Watson: 07775252380/richard@sfad.org.uk for more information.

Eligibility:

Anyone who is affected by another person’s drug or alcohol use is warmly welcomed – that includes biological and non-biological families, BAME families, LGBT+ people and families, families with or without children, friends, partners, siblings, young people, older people, foster carers, kinship carers, neighbours, work colleagues, etc.

If you are a professional working in this field and interested in this course please contact Susie McClue susie@sfad.org.uk as we are developing a parallel opportunity for you.

This course will be delivered online using Zoom so that as many people can join us regardless of location. We will do our best to ensure everyone can get online whatever their circumstance may be.

We hope to make the Family Recovery College accessible to all.  Please do not hesitate to contact us if there is anything additional we can do to make you feel welcomed and included.

What is the Family Recovery College?

• Increase their positive connection with others
• Develop communication strategies to improve relationships
• Improve self-care and emotional wellbeing
• Improve understanding of substance use through new knowledge and skills
• Feel empowered to influence change in their lives and the lives of their loved one

This course will be delivered online using Zoom so that as many people can join us regardless of location. We will do our best to ensure everyone can get online whatever their circumstance may be. We hope to make the Family Recovery College accessible to all. Please do not hesitate to contact us if there is anything additional we can do to make you feel welcome and included.

Why the Family Recovery College is important:

Families and concerned significant others often take on the primary role of caring for or supporting their loved one. Due to the secrecy, shame and stigma of supporting a loved one with problematic drug and alcohol use often there is little acknowledgement or support for those doing the supporting. Many people find themselves experiencing long-term mental health and physical health conditions, often related to the challenges and stress of their caring role. We hope that the Family Recovery College will enable students to feel empowered to support both themselves and their loved one.

Please note: If you have any concerns or difficulties completing this form please phone us to complete an expression of interest over the phone – Debra  07379830357 or Tich 07775252380.

The programme is certificated by Scottish Families as the Scottish Government’s Nationally Commissioned Organisation (NCO) for families affected by alcohol or drug use.

Today it was announced that there were 1,276 alcohol-related deaths in Scotland in 2022 – this is a 2% rise from the previous year. Over the past decade alone almost 11,000 people have died due to alcohol – well in excess of Scotland’s drug death toll, but with nothing like the same emergency response.

On paper, the Scottish Government has made bold commitments to act on alcohol availability, price and marketing, and to ensure everyone who needs treatment and support for their alcohol use can get this.

Yet there has been little action since the introduction of Scotland’s flagship policy on Minimum Unit Pricing which came into force in May 2018 (over five years ago), with the original legislation passed in 2012 (over a decade ago).

Whether they are living every day with their loved one’s drinking, supporting them in recovery, or mourning their loss through alcohol, families report shrinking treatment and support options, and the ongoing harm of Scotland’s Alcohol Everywhere culture. For example:

• The delay in implementing Minimum Unit Pricing (MUP) due to industry legal action, alongside the lack of any automatic uprating mechanism, has reduced the impact of this evidence-based policy. The current unit price of 50p (set over a decade ago) is now woefully outdated.
• Families describe alcohol as being “everywhere” and “in your face, no matter where you look”, with alcohol availability and high impact marketing from coffee shops to bookshops, cinemas, workplaces, educational establishments, and community and sports events. There are almost no Alcohol Free Spaces in Scotland for families and communities to enjoy.
• A consultation on marketing which closed almost six months ago is yet to result in any action, with the First Minister publicly sympathising with the industry’s concerns about any mandatory marketing restrictions.
• Access to specialist alcohol treatment has fallen by 40% over the past decade (with three-quarters of this reduction pre-pandemic). Families are facing huge challenges trying to access effective alcohol treatment and support for their loved ones, leaving them isolated, exhausted and under extreme pressure to keep their loved ones alive.

We have quite rightly seen an emergency response to Scotland’s drug deaths, with a National Drugs Mission, £250 million of new investment and clear expectations of what services should be delivering.

We are calling for an equivalent response to Scotland’s alcohol emergency including;

• An equal financial investment to ensure a choice of high quality specialist alcohol treatment, care and support services for anyone concerned about their drinking, and their families, no matter where they live in Scotland;
• An uprating of the Minumum Unit Price to at least 65p, with a future uprating mechanism built in;
• Clear action on alcohol availability and marketing, to ensure Alcohol Free Spaces are the norm and individuals and families are protected from industry’s ‘Everyday Alcohol’ pressures.

Justina Murray, CEO of Scottish Families, said:

“In Scotland we are absolutely world-leading at writing down all the things we are going to change and improve to tackle Scotland’s deathly relationship with alcohol. But we are bottom of the league tables for action. There is an enormous gap between our bold intent to save thousands of families from further heartbreak and the daily reality of lives destroyed by alcohol right across Scotland.

We need urgent and immediate action – not more words – to change Scotland’s Alcohol Everywhere culture, and to make sure everyone concerned about their drinking can get the treatment and support they need.

Alcohol deaths are easy to prevent – the World Health Organisation has identified three ‘best buys’ for governments in terms of alcohol availability, price and marketing. Alongside investment in good quality alcohol treatment and support, this will save millions of pounds in social, economic, health and human costs.

Our families deserve nothing less.”

The latest annual drug-related death statistics have been published in Scotland. 1,051 deaths are registered, meaning 1,051 families are grieving as a result of this. Until we reach our target of zero drug deaths, we will continue to campaign alongside families who have lost loved ones and those who are fighting every day to keep their loved ones alive.

We know that families have the answers to Scotland’s drug deaths crisis – but they need to be heard, and for change to happen as a result. We need to Just Ask Families.

Every day, families are struggling to access the treatment, care and support their loved ones desperately need; they are blamed, and judged by others; and their own rights as family members and carers are not recognised. Their complaints about access, choice and quality of treatment services are ignored, and they are actively excluded from their loved one’s care planning and from services’ decisions which affect the whole family. Bereaved families are not invited to take part in formal service reviews which follow every drug death, so their valuable insight and lessons which could be learned are lost.

We asked family members to share their thoughts on what is going on in their lives, and the changes they want to see. All of these families have been harmed by Scotland’s drug deaths crisis. They have shared heartbreaking notes about their own grief and loss; practical and straightforward recommendations for treatment services which will save lives; the importance of hope for whole families; the impact of stigma; and their frustration about the slow pace of change:

‘They die in your heart so many times.’

‘It is about always feeling the void – that gap in your life.’

‘Recovery and substance use support services need to be revised – if the person is stable and getting a prescription, they see their worker less often. If you use, they see you every week to get a swab off you. This seems the wrong way round.’

‘Engaging with social services was very difficult – they were so judgemental.’

‘Recovery support services do not willingly provide information to family members, and they need to engage more with families.’

‘It seems that there are lots of different agencies and organisations all in competition for funding and not working together or sharing information.’

‘The media need to change on how they report on drug issues; it is always pictures of needles and dirty alleyways. Why do they portray drug use as being about social class when in reality it can affect anyone of any class or background?’

‘I can feel overwhelmed when I see statistics, it can make me feel hopeless. They are of course impersonal and each addict and family have individual circumstances.’

‘Why is there still no change? WHY? DOES ANYONE CARE?’

‘Families are a key part of the solution and they should be involved in conversations.’

‘You have hope, but you keep it in your pocket and only take it out sometimes to look at it and remind yourself.’

Justina Murray, CEO of Scottish Families, said:

“Families affected by a loved one’s drug use understand more than anyone else what needs to change to tackle Scotland’s ongoing drug deaths crisis. Whether they have lost a loved one, or are battling every day to keep their loved one alive in the most trying of circumstances, families need to be part of the solution.

Every year on this day, there is quite rightly an outpouring of sympathy and condolence for the families left behind. But the same families are not asked to take part in formal drug death reviews to share their insight into what has gone wrong and what needs to change. Families’ complaints about treatment services are ignored, and when they advocate for their loved ones, they are seen as awkward and interfering. Families want their rights as carers to be upheld; their expertise to be recognised; and for real change to happen.

We need to recognise that families have the answers to Scotland’s drug deaths crisis, to hear what they are saying, and to see real change as a result.”

You can see all of the thoughts from families here.

Exciting news today from Scottish Families! We are launching our new strategy for 2023-26 ‘The Cost of Loving’.

When we launched our Change Will Come strategy (2020-23) in June 2020, we were just a few months into the global COVID-19 pandemic. At that early stage, we did not anticipate how much this would impact on our work, and the families we support – effects which continue today.

We have developed this new strategy for 2023- 26 in the grip of a Cost of Living crisis, which is quite rightly the focus of significant political, practical and media attention.

Cost of living pressures are increasing harm to many families affected by alcohol and drugs. This includes both direct harms (having less money and costs increasing) and also indirect harms (additional pressures increasing alcohol and drug use and levels of family stress – as with the COVID pandemic).

We are doing everything we can to reduce cost of living pressures for families, and to reach families where alcohol and drug harm has increased as a result.

However we are very aware that for families affected by a loved one’s alcohol or drug use, the cost of living is just one of the many, many challenges they face on a daily basis. It is only one of the multiple plates they have to keep spinning.

Our families face an everyday and ongoing crisis, which will outlive the timescale of the current financial situation. This is the Cost of Loving, a relentless and exhausting tally of financial, practical, relationship and emotional costs.

Our family member, Amanda Barr, created the striking artwork for our strategy (seen at the top of this page), powerfully illustrating this experience. We would like to thank Amanda for translating our words into such a memorable and powerful image.

The cost of loving includes monetary and non-monetary costs, as these family members describe:

“Over the years I have paid his rent, food, clothing and his daughter’s clothes. Husband and I re-mortgaged house 3 times to pay debts caused by son’s addiction. Taken more equity out of the house to pay drug debts. Drive son all over town to appointments, to ‘score’, to chemist and for his shopping. Always feels my time is his to use. He always wants money, food, vapes and the use of my car (I always put the petrol in). Buy his Xmas presents, birthday presents to give to his children or his wife (now ex). I have spent thousands and thousands over the years.”

“Cigarettes £77 weekly. Beer £35 weekly. Heating £194 monthly. Food £400 monthly. Loss of time for me – no time left for anything social or seeing friends. Loss of sense of self. Everything revolves round his needs. Must buy everything high fat high protein as he is unwell and very thin. This means I am eating high fat foods, and this had caused high blood pressure and high cholesterol. Heating needs to be kept on all day as he is always cold.”

“[My] Daughter uses crack cocaine. Her children live with me but I pay for her to maintain her relationship with her children. Costs £300 a month. Pay her heating £150 month. Clothes £50 month. Petrol to pharmacy daily £100 month. Mobile phone £45 month. Looking after her children full time £800 month. No price to put on lost relationship, lost friendships and family. Lost identity as mother, grandmother.”

The Cost of Loving is an everyday crisis for families, but it does not attract the same level of attention, sympathy or response.

Through our new Scottish Families strategy, we identify 8 ‘Big Questions’ around the Cost of Loving which we want to answer, to understand, highlight, and reduce these costs for families harmed by alcohol and drug use.

Our Big Questions include complex, uncomfortable and unrecognised issues, such as family members’ own serious mental health issues; what life is like for families whose loved ones are in recovery; and the stark implementation gap between what we say we will do in Scotland in policy and strategy, and what actually happens in practice.

The Cost of Loving is unrelenting and unacceptable. It is time for change.

Our Big Questions: 2023-2026

Our Cost of Loving strategy will answer these 8 Big Questions over the next three years:

Families are Supported

• What is the relationship between neurodiversity and substance use, and how does this affect families?
• What is the state of family members’ own mental health, and how should we highlight and respond to this?

Families are Included

• What can help and support services to involve families in their loved ones’ treatment and care, and how can we embed more family-inclusive practice?
• How can we promote more equality and diversity in our work, so all families feel Scottish Families is for them?

Families are Heard

• What is the Cost of Loving for families, and how can it be reduced?
• How do families navigate life after alcohol and drugs?

Families are Connected

• Can we start a national ‘Meet the Family!’ conversation about alcohol and drug harm in families, recognising everyone knows someone affected?

Families Create Change

• Can we close the implementation gap in Scotland between good policies and strategies and what actually happens in practice?

What actions are we going to take?

Each year we will also publish a Cost of Loving Progress Report alongside the next year’s Delivery Plan on this page. The Progress Report will say how we are getting on with putting our Strategy into practice, and answering our 8 Big Questions. This will sit alongside our annual Impact Report which summarises Scottish Families’ overall performance and notes key highlights.

Download the Strategy as a PDF:

• The Cost of Loving – Our Strategy 2023-2026

Our latest impact report is now available to read!

3,724 more people were supported by Scottish Families’ services in 2022/23 as well as those we are already supporting.

‘This group has been a lifesaver for me, as I was feeling exceptionally low. I can share my feelings without judgement in a safe and empathic space. Everyone has been so welcoming and understanding, particularly in my early days of daily ‘breakdowns’. I have been to the gym twice this week, I was not going out the front door prior to this group, I don’t feel so alone so thank you all.’ – Family Member

Our Impact Report for 2022/23 is inviting everyone to Meet the Family! The above image of some of the #TeamSFAD crew at our 20th birthday party says it all about what our own family is like – noisy, lively, chaotic, and always up for a laugh (and of course a group photo). This report firstly invites you to meet our Scottish Families family in more detail, not least because we have had an incredible year and we can’t wait to tell you about everything we have done.

But Meet the Family! is really about the families we support every day, right across Scotland. We may have just marked two decades of work this year, but we are a long way off from everyone who is concerned about someone else’s alcohol or drug use in Scotland getting the support they need.

From our ‘Ask the Family’ project, we know that an average of 11 people are harmed for every person using alcohol or drugs, covering every possible family relationship or social network (such as friends, work colleagues, neighbours). Ask the Family also found that family members were harmed by alcohol or drugs for an average of 16 years, but it took an average of 8 years for them to reach family support for the first time. Yet when people hear ‘families affected by substance use’, they quickly jump to thinking about young children affected by a parent’s drinking or drug use, or about parents in recovery or struggling to support their own families due to their substance use. The ‘Whole Family Approach’ in practice is too often focused only on these groups (both of course needing support), not the ‘whole family’ at all – despite what is written down in national and local commitments. And where the family is considered, this is often from the perspective of the individual using alcohol or drugs, for example as a positive resource to support their treatment or recovery, or in terms of child risk and neglect.

If we accept that the Whole Family needs support, that means of course that everyone in that Whole Family should get the support they need, in their own right, in a way which suits their needs. We have been talking (and sometimes shouting) about this for the past 20 years, and we will not skip a beat in continuing to do so.

This Impact Report shows what happens when families are seen and heard, when they are supported and included, when they connect together and when they create change. We hear every day from families that engaging with us has been life-changing and transformational for them – whether or not their loved one has reduced their substance use, or engaged in treatment, or indeed where they have lost a loved one.

From learning about their rights and how to access these; sharing their experiences through storytelling with other families, with the media and at events; researching the impact of substance use in their communities; connecting with other family members in safe, creative and supportive spaces; ordering a naloxone kit to save a life; campaigning for changes in policy and practice; and making friends for life – every day families supported by Scottish Families are creating change for themselves, their loved ones and their wider communities.

Come on then, let’s Meet the Family!

‘Here’s to Us’ was created to address a gap in conversation around how young adults can be affected by a friend’s alcohol use. According to our survey, 60% of people who responded had felt personally affected by a friend’s drinking, but more than half of respondents have never tried speaking to a friend about their alcohol use. We explored the impact of alcohol on people’s social lives, both within the context of social drinking and lone drinking, through conversations at the University of Stirling, casual conversations and our ‘Friendships and Alcohol’ Survey. The embeddedness of drinking culture in Scottish society can have social and mental health consequences, as well as physical harm. 

“It can be difficult to look for support for a friend’s drinking; you can be affected by it but still feel like you’re too distanced from the problem to talk to someone about it.”

‘Here’s To Us’ focuses on peer support just as much as it delves in peer pressure as well. The name ‘Here’s To Us’ is a nod to the toast typically used before drinking in social settings – but it’s core message shouldn’t be something unique to drinking. It’s important to acknowledge closeness and celebrate friendships outside of drinking contexts.

We’re sharing this project following International Friendship Day (30^th July), which celebrates the bonds formed between individuals and communities – especially when it comes to young people. In the early stages of the project, we talked about the important balance between looking out for our friends and reflecting on our own boundaries and well-being to maintain healthy relationships. We thought that International Friendship Day would be a good time to shed light on how alcohol use can impact friendships and feelings of belonging – and to promote self-care and support-seeking within friendships.

“It’s like you want to look after that person, but you also need to know what’s best for you in that situation too.”

Our helpline is there for ANYONE affected by someone else’s alcohol or drug use, regardless of your relationship to the person. You can contact our team today via –

Phone: 08080 10 10 11
Webchat: sfad.org.uk
Email: helpline@sfad.org.uk