As the holiday season approaches, we share our heartfelt support and guidance to every family member across Scotland who is dealing with challenging circumstances this year. The constant stream of festive cheer everywhere we go, coupled with the pressure to have a traditional celebration can make this season particularly difficult for those of us struggling.
Some family members and staff members have shared stories on ‘the reality of Christmas’ which we have included below.
Remember, it’s okay to prioritise self-care and set boundaries for your own well-being. Connect with trusted friends, family, or support groups, and don’t hesitate to reach out to us if needed. The team wishes you resilience, strength, and moments of peace through this holiday season.
The Reality of Christmas
‘I don’t even want to think about Christmas because it’s all for families. You see all these normal families spreading love and happiness. For me it’s just another day but even worse because you know everyone else is out there having lots of family love and joy. Drinking gets worse at Christmas because everybody is doing it so they think it’s ok. Last year I ate Christmas dinner on my own in my room because everyone was drunk and I just wanted to get away from them. I think people drink more because they think about people they have lost or worry about money. Now I’m older it’s less about the presents, you want to enjoy it with your family, so that’s me fucked! When I’m older I can’t wait to be a mum and do it right. I’m going to do everything that I never had, lots of presents and the powder footprints on the floor, you know, to make it look like Santa’s been. I can’t wait to give my children what I never had.’ – Young Person, Routes
‘I have always loved Christmas, the lights, the carols, the spell of pine trees, presents of course, it is without doubt my favourite time of year. I have trouble remembering specifics about my home life as a child and many are not happy, I have much more vivid memories of times with friends. Children are resilient, they find the joy in life even when it’s difficult to see, and at Christmas time, there was always more joy to be found even if it coincided with the difficulties that I experienced all year round from having a parent with an alcohol use issue. I have one specific memory of Christmas where my father’s alcohol use really impacted my day. It was after my parents had separated, and while life had improved for me having a more stable home environment, my father’s alcohol use had escalated. I was in my early teens and trying to maintain a relationship with someone who was rarely sober enough for me to even have a conversation with. However, it was Christmas and my mother had encouraged me to have my evening meal with my father and sister. He was drunk when I arrived and continued to drink until he fell asleep at the table. I don’t remember what happened next, I don’t remember what I did, I only remember how I felt, that I wasn’t worth more to him than whisky in a glass, that he couldn’t even give me a few hours of him, sober him, the man I loved, on Christmas day. Now I know that it had nothing to do with me, that he loved me and my sister more than anyone, that he wasn’t trying hurt me, that it wasn’t his fault. I still love Christmas, and I wish my dad was still here to celebrate with.’ – Heather
‘Tis the season to be jolly lalalalalalalala. Yes it is the season of love and families and sharing gifts. Well wishers sending good will to all. But not for everyone. Christmas for people with mental health and drug and alcohol dependency, this can be massive triggers of what they have lost due to the level of drug and alcohol dependency to zone out of the reality of life. Life that most people take for granted. Music everywhere causing emotional waves of what used to be. This year give the gift of awareness of mental health. Cut out stigma. Less judgement of people who are not carrying bags of pressies. But might be carrying sacks of sadness for what they have lost. Give the gift of understanding. Gift of compassion. This costs nothing and you can give this all year long. Make someone happy with a smile and the understanding that this is someone’s loved one. You won’t feel their pain till you touch it. Stop and think. Joy to the world, yes. Peace on earth, yes. Goodwill to all men, yes. That means all men. Make someone’s Xmas with a smile. Support mental health.’ – Agnes
‘This year I have been surprised at how far in advance families are thinking of the festive period and dreading Christmas. One recurring theme is families struggling with setting boundaries, wanting family members to adhere to boundaries set but then also worrying that they won’t and will be alone at Christmas. We are having a lot of conversations about how families can look after themselves over the festive period and also concentrating on what they can control. We have made sure that we have a group in the first week of January and that families are equipped with phone numbers and information on services they may need in an emergency.’ – Gill from our support team
‘Was speaking to Allison, one of the volunteers, about Christmas time and she spoke about ‘slowing it down this year’ and spending more time ‘taking it in’ as she has spent the last few years really busy and worrying about pleasing everyone at Christmastime she found it was much more important to be mindful and focus on herself and her family as they were doing better this Christmas.’ – Kiera from our team
‘I make up a food hamper for my son. I try and put food in that he can’t afford and wee treats. I also put in socks pants hat and gloves and thermal clothing. Like so many I have gave money in the past and it hasn’t gone well. At the moment he is coming on Christmas day but that has changed a few times. The way I put it to him was there will be a hot meal available for you on that day if you want to pop in.’ – Family member